If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
