Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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