He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All the doctor said was why
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
