she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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