matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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