I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
