He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
