john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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