I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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