So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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