Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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