What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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