She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
