How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
