I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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