Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You can't motorboat a personality
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
