I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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