Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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