I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
