sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
