Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
