This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
