im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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