I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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