I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
