the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
