when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
