I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
