You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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