i may or may not be watching the land before time
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
