Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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