only if we run a train.
done.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
