I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
