fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
