I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm passing your future prison.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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