i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
