i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize