it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
