I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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