Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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