i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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