im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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