never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
