Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I sprained my soul last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
