After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
