I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
