is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
