didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
