you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize