The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
