To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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