That's intense
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
