A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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