What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
