I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
