well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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