she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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