I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
