We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
