Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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