Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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