I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
