I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
