You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
