She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
