Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
