im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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