I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
