Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
