i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
