I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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