Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
