New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
