you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
