When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
