: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
