He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
