STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
