my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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