clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
