i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
bring money and cleavage
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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